Pregnancy Pet Peeves

There are a lot of things that come along with being pregnant. The nausea, the back aches, heartburn, restless legs, mood swings, and body transformations to name a few. On the bright side, there's the joy of bringing a new life into the world, the realization that you're no longer number one, the gift that you and your partner get to enjoy together, and obviously there's much, much more.

Then, there's things that are said and done that are said and done because you're pregnant. As a first time mom-to-be, I find I'm bombarded by all these strange.... I don't even know what to call them. Some are good and some are bad. What's good and bad depends on the person, but I'm sure there are a lot of pregnant women that run into things that annoy them or make them feel uncomfortable.

Here's a list of my top 10 pet peeves in no particular order:

When I'm asked, "How's the baby doing today?"

You know, I'd like to know too but unfortunately the baby isn't talking to me yet, and I can't see much considering he/she is hiding inside of me.

I find it awkward and strange to say "The baby is good?" like I would actually know.


When people stare at my belly while talking to me. 

O....M....Gosh! I'd rather people stare at my breasts. There's nothing interesting going on there so why are they staring as if a movie is being projected onto my bump?

Oooooorrrrr, maybe the baby is talking to them. I should ask them the next time this happens if THEY can tell me how the little one is doing.


When random people touch/rub my belly.

It seems being pregnant gives everyone a free ticket to rub or touch the belly. My personal space, my bubble, my circle....is very small. There are few people I feel comfortable within my personal space. And I'm talking about something as simple as a hug. I can count on one hand how many people I feel comfortable hugging. If you see me hugging someone not on that list, it's because I'm being polite. Believe me, I'm cringing the whole time.

So imagine my horror when I have to cringe and be polite to people who want to rub my belly all the time. I personally find it worse when they actually ask.

"Sure, knock your self out! Have fun!" *I stick out my belly so they can touch it*


When I'm told, "OMG you're huge!" or "OMG you're showing!"

I think this bothers people depending on their personality. I just don't like comments about my size period. I'm happy with my bump but I still struggle with my self esteem and the last thing I want to hear is that I'm huge. The other day, some one made a comment that I`m not gaining weight anywhere else other than my belly. Now that`s acceptable =D.


Did the baby move yet? No? Not yet?

I hate when people ask me the same question everyday. If I've been asked once or twice, I'll get the point and tell you when the amazing thing happens. I also find they're pushing in on my moment. This is something I want to share with my husband and family first. So by asking me for play by play details, I feel like people are shoving their way in on special moments that I want to savor with my husband first, not with other people.

I've even grown so spiteful that I lie to certain people whether I've felt anything or not. I just don't want to share my joy with them because they've pressured me the whole time. One girl even had me worried when at eighteen/nineteen weeks I still didn't feel anything, and she insisted that she felt her baby move long before that.Well, everyone is different and every pregnancy is different.


When women who were pregnant have a completely skewed memory of their pregnancy.


I'll be asked how far along I am, my due date, if it's a boy or girl....

Then, if the person had been pregnant, they go off about their past pregnancy and I feel as if their memory is completely off about details such as; their size, when they FIRST FELT THE BABY MOVE, their symptoms, or how great being pregnant was and how could I not enjoy it (and that's after they complained about all the symptoms). I find women may remember what they went through but they don't remember what it felt like going through it. And once again, they have to realize every pregnancy is different and that no, I didn't experience everything they did . (My baby is kicking right now btw) 

I find it's like when you go on a roller coaster ride. You may remember your pee-in-the-pants-fear as 'thrill' rather than being ready to cry. Or like when you see someone cry over a paper cut and scoff at them because they're crying over a scratch you can't even see. At that moment, you don't remember how painful it is and that when you get one, you even wish it was a full blown cut because it seems those hurt less.


When women who miss being pregnant try to relive it through you.


Gahhh! You have no idea how much this annoys me. They have had their moment and now it's mine. This is referring to the same people who over ask certain questions and try to crowd in on YOUR special moments. If certain people miss it so much they can get pregnant again.


When people don't see you anymore, they see a pregnant woman.

I'm not saying this is absolutely annoying but sometimes if feels as if this pregnancy has ripped away my identity. I guess this is sort of linked with people staring at my belly while talking to me. No one sees me anymore. I find family is the worst for it sometimes. I feel as if I'm only seen as this vessel that's carrying a future grandchild, a future niece or nephew, or a future cousin. If I'm lucky, they'll say hi to me before addressing my belly/baby. Which leads to....


People seem to think all I want to talk about is the pregnancy.

Yes, I'm excited and yes, I love to talk about the pregnancy but there are other things I still enjoy talking about. There's only so much that happens in a day. I can complain about the symptoms and gush about how many times the baby moved today. I can talk about my hopes and dreams for the baby's future and my plans to buy a house and what colour the nursery will be. Within the seven or so months (considering I didn't find out I was pregnant right away) that I'm waiting to meet this new little human being, these topics can become redundant. Unless I'm flipping back and forth on the colours for the nursery, there's really nothing much to say other than the odd updates about how everything is going.

Now I know there are women who live and breathe the whole pregnancy thing but honestly, I find it just drags things out and makes the wait longer.


When older women imply I'm a wimp.

This goes back to women who's memories are slightly skewed about what it's like being pregnant. Earlier, I had a girl in mind who just got off of mat leave. So imagine women who were pregnant twenty some years ago. Remember how I said every pregnancy is different? Well some women truly don't understand that. My hours have been cut down at work because of fatigue and back pain. An older woman actually looked down on me and stated proudly that she worked the whole way through and that she worked thirteen hour shifts. Good for her. I happen to be a big baby, just ask my husband. Either way, that woman doesn't know what kind of pain I'm feeling and for that reason can not judge me.

If any of you feel like you're wimps or whiners, don't. For some (I think for most) pregnancy is hard. Specially if it's the first time you're going through it. A lot of things are happening physically and emotionally, and you have every right to do what you need to ease the stress of the pregancy and everything around you. If you need to stop working earlier than expected, do it. If you have to cut down on your hours, do it and never feel ashamed. Remember, bringing a new life into this world isn't easy. It's a miracle, but it's science and nature too. Unfortunately, in our case, nature is a bitch.

Obstetrician/Doctor vs. Midwife: From A Vegan's Point of View

Now I'm not sure how it is in other provinces, but in Ontario, midwives are covered by OHIP. Which is nice because it gives moms-to-be options.

The Doctor


Before I say anything, doctors these days are generally more open minded about the holistic approach to health. I find where you live can largely impact just how many doctors think this way. Keep in mind I don't live in a rural area but definitely don't live in a city like Vancouver or Toronto.

My first prenatal appointment was with a nurse practitioner at my clinic and it was a train wreck. I had just had my pregnancy confirmed earlier that week and was still excited and some what in disbelief, that I was actually pregnant. I cried, I laughed and I cried some more when I found out. Not knowing how everything worked, I walked through the first few steps laid in front of me by my clinic.

They booked me in for my prenatal appointment after confirming the pregnancy. I went to that appointment and was asked a gazillion questions about family history and my lifestyle. I was handed a bunch of requisitions that weren't quite explained to me and handed over a couple vials of my blood.

It all seemed so...clinical. It didn't feel like the most amazing thing in my life was happening to me. It felt more like I had a disease that needed to be monitored instead. What was worse, the nurse threw this obscene statistic in my face that 50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage! So now, I was giving my blood for God knows what tests and I was an emotional wreck because this woman put it in my head, that keeping this baby was a fifty/fifty chance.

I was around seven and half weeks pregnant when this happened, and the next few weeks after were probably the darkest weeks in my life. I feared every cramp and would check my panties for spotting every few hours. Looking back, that woman must have been one bitter b**** to say something like that to me.

Some may say she may have felt she was just doing her job but I made it clear that I WANTED this baby. The stress I went through from the fear in no way benefited me. What's worse, what she said wasn't even completely true. The statistic included unknown and chemical pregnancies, pregnancies in women over forty, etc. This number included every situation possible; situations that didn't apply to me. This is something I didn't know then and would have been nice to be included with the number she whipped at me.

*Side Note* Don't rely on Google too much for answers. People are motivated to share the stories with bad endings, not good ones. So you'll find a lot of what went wrong rather than right. Avoid the stress and always ask your doctor or midwife if you have any concerns. It'll save you the heart ache and worry. Stressing yourself is bad for you and your baby so avoid it!

The Midwife


Around two weeks after that nightmare appointment and about a week after finding out there was another option, I decided to start hunting for a midwife. Most clinics were booked in my city for my due date (reassuring but also frustrating). I had called the last option that was half an hour outside of town and I got the same answer, "We can put you on a waiting list."


I gave up and decided I would stick with the bitter nurse practitioner and wait and hope. An hour later, I got a call back from my last hope and was told they could, and would take me. I was nervous about switching but I felt it in my bones that I would regret it if I didn't.


My first appointment was night and day compared to my previous experience. The clinic was comfortable and no where near as clinical. The rooms where you meet with the midwife were set up almost like a living room. The first thing that was given to me was a folder filled with information on midwifery, pregnancy, and support numbers. I was walked through their philosophy and any tests I hadn't taken at that point were explained to me and thoroughly discussed with me so that I could understand what they were for. What was great was that I was told, that in the end, I was the ultimate decision maker.


Nothing is rushed, every one gets to know you and you get to know them. What I loved most is that I was told that "Pregnancy is a state of health." Sounds a lot less like the disease I was starting to feel I had after my first experience.


Bonus: You can't just page or call up your doctor when you have a concern. With a midwife, you have your midwife and the midwives in the clinic there to speak to you whenever you have a question or concern. I have my midwife's pager number. Do you have your doctor's?


In the End


My experience with the nurse practitioner may be an isolated case as I'm sure there are lots of doctors who are more personable and have better people skills. Still, midwives devote their health care profession to pregnancy and child birth. My advice is to give them both a try. As a "Pescatarian," I find they are more open to holistic medicine (midwifery is a holistic alternative in itself after all).
When I explained my dietary choices to the nurse she sort of just rolled her eyes, sighed and said she would have to set me up with a nutritionist. When I explained it to my midwife, she understood and stressed the importance of monitoring my diet. Two completely different attitudes. One being more supportive, the other more skeptical and exasperated with my choice. At my midwife clinic, I am respected as a decision maker and not just another patient who knows nothing. And I must say, it's kinda nice.


My advice is to give both a chance to see what's best for you. Just be careful, you can't see both at the same time. At least in Ontario, OHIP will only cover one primary care provider.